I Told Him I Love Him

I called my best guy friend today.  We had an amazing two hour conversation that ended up derailing me from actually cleaning my room.  I almost told him how I felt..but I held off.  Instead I left a voicemail professing my feelings.

Later that night, I call him back.  I ask if he had listened to his voicemail.  He was like, "no, do you have something you want me to erase on there?"

I had the chance to completely erase taht I had ever said it.  Instead, I told him, right there, how I felt.  That I was in love with him.  We talked for a long time.  I told him everything.  That I was honest earlier when I had said I wasn't ready to be with someone.  I told him that losing my best friend and ex, although it was hard, was worth it, because of the friendship he and I shared, and that I in no way wanted to screw that up. But that I had to be honest how I feel.  I told him, I was attracted to the fruit in his life, and his gentleness, and the way he was so well receiving through every time I cried about my second ex and I fighting, or my most recent ex and I breaking up, and fighting, and wanting to get back together, and him finally finding someone else and all the emotions I went through with that.

He proceeded to tell me no one had ever told him that, and that he loved me dearly as a friend, and that he wished he could give me more.  That he sadly didn't feel that way about anyone at the moment.  He told me I had nothing to worry about.  That we would stay very good friends, and that from the moment he had heard my voice, he could tell what kind've person I really was and that I was someone he could trust.


I told him how rare he was, and asked if he knew.  Then I joked that perhaps I was rare too.  He replied "Oh you are definitely rare.  I can honestly say I've never met anyone like you."  I was like.. "I hope in a good way."  He was like "Oh definitely.  I have never known a girl to be so honest and not in a brutal way, but in a sincere way."


I have to tell you, I don't know what tomorrow brings.  I know that today, I am in love with my best friend, and he knows.  I also know that he is a sweetheart, and that I am so lucky to have such a great friendship, and if that is all we ever share, I am the luckiest girl alive, because friends like him don't come along very often, if at all.  I also know I feel a serious peacefulness.  I don't feel broken because I didn't get my way.  I want him to be happy.  Whatever that means.  I really love him.  Not in a needy, give-me-what-I-want put-you-in-a-cage-and-call-you-mine-before-either-of-us-is-really-ready-for-that-kind've way, but in a, "I look at you, and I see fruit of the spirit, and everything I want in a man in my very daer friend.  And I want you to be happy more than I want to get what I want.  I love you and when I am talking to you or thinking abotu you, I just feel such peace, all over my entire body, and I smile when I stop and think about how scared I was to tell you because you recieved it so well, and being around you just feels right and if that isnt what you want, i understand.  I will never force myself on you, you know how i feel, and when i look at what you want from a girl and what i want form a boy i smile because everything weve ever wanted is right in front of us, but it isnt for me to tell you but for you to figure out", kindve way.

:)