Today I went to the hotel I stayed at with Ricky. A wave of familiarity washed over me. As I am physically unable to go to Texas, it is my... way of transporting to the once magical place where my ex and I shared two weeks of fun.
My inner voice spoke to me here. It showed me that familiar isn't always good. It showed me..as dead as my second ex and I are, that is how dead my last ex and I are. I can accept that, and quit using it as an excuse to put life on hold...or I can stay miserable.
I stood and forgave myself. Its hard. Its hard to forgive yourself for dumb choices.
Its hard and yet, its in the past.
Today is a new day. A beautiful day. With a promising future. Today...I am falling. Hard. I'm scared of slipping and falling off the edge, of past mistakes..and yet... I don't think I will this time.
He's everything they weren't but tried to be. 5 years my junior, yet wise beyond his years, and with a gentle and soft spoken soul. I'm falling in love with my best friend. I think I will let it happen. I will trust God to guide me, and save me from my own stupidity, and trust him not to be like the others, since, he deserves that. Should the day ever come...where he asks me out... I will say yes. I will allow him to take my hand into his..and guide me..and love me. I will love him back.
