Friday, December 31, 2010
the end of the year
2010 was a year of healing and life lessons for me. I think one of the biggest lessons I learned, is that when something wonderful comes along, you don't push it away. You embrace it, and give it everything you have. I have always been afraid that if I go all in, I'll only end up hurt, but you know what? I've learned it hurts more to realize you lost a chance at something amazing because of said fear. the thing that gets me through it though, is knowing, that if something is meant to be, its meant to be. Imperfect circumstance would surely only be a set back for something that is meant to be, and therefore, if things work out, then great it was meant to be. And should they not, that's ok. Letting go of something you love, is hard. Letting go of something (or someone) that loved you back, is near impossible. But I shall face the year anew with unbridled strength and resilience, and not fear the passing of time, as time is the healer of all wounds.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
A random love quote I wrote once..
I wrote this once, and I think it still rings true.
"Love drives us, consumes us, devours all conscious rational thought replacing in its stead pleasure and pain; for love is passionate pleasure, and also torturous pain. Whether we admit it or not the pain is inevitable, but its what lets us know we are alive and reminds us that we are human. Love is beautiful because of this."
"Love drives us, consumes us, devours all conscious rational thought replacing in its stead pleasure and pain; for love is passionate pleasure, and also torturous pain. Whether we admit it or not the pain is inevitable, but its what lets us know we are alive and reminds us that we are human. Love is beautiful because of this."
Monday, October 4, 2010
Rain
Its funny. No matter how long rain is gone for, i always know it will come back eventually. Its funny how much rain reminds me of that special someone. Its quiet at times, beautiful, capable of being strong and gentle all in one, soothing like the sound of his voice, and however fleeting it may be, I always enjoy it, as I do my time with him.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Eyes
This is the reason that I am and have always been an eye person. Think about it, skin sags and wrinkles, and can get spots and discolor, hair turns gray and can even fall out, teeth fall out and are replaced by fake teeth (unless you're extremely lucky) we may gain or lose weight, but in some form, we likely won't keep our younger figures, but eyes... they're ageless. for the most part, when you look into someone's eyes, they're the same eyes you looked into when you first met them, when you first fell in love with them, years ago.
Friday, September 17, 2010
If you love something, let it go....
I think that life and love and my experiences with both have taught me something very important. The act of putting someone else's needs above my own. See, I've come to find, that if you truly love someone, then why would you fight with them against what they want, just because it doesn't extend to accommodate what you want as well?
Sometimes in life, we don't win. When we were young, we learned this through sports. The coach would tell us good game and tell us to congratulate the other team. Then we'd indulge on orange slices and juice boxes after a hard played game. Well, love, like sports and the rest of life, has its ups and downs. A comforting movie would be the orange slice, and wishing the person you couldn't make it work with well in their future endeavors with love and relationships and the likes would be the coach's voice yelling at us to be good sports.
The truth is, in my heart of course I want things to go my way, and of course I go to bed dreaming of the day I get called in the middle of the night, because the object of my affection has just had the greatest epiphany about how I’m the one. But, I don't focus on this. I don't allow these thoughts to plague my mind and consume me. Because in the end, even if he doesn’t choose to be with me, I only wish him happiness, as he is my very best friend.
I’ve come to realize, there are things beyond the horizon of what I want, and maybe I’ve done a little growing up in that regard, but to me it seems that to only focus on what I want, and not someone else’s needs as well is juvenile. And come to think of it, at the end of the day, if I successfully ended up getting someone to take me back because I cried and asked them not to go, I’d end up always wondering if they would’ve chosen me because they wanted to, or because they couldn’t bear to see me cry.
As the saying goes, if you love something let it go, if it comes back it’s yours.
Sometimes in life, we don't win. When we were young, we learned this through sports. The coach would tell us good game and tell us to congratulate the other team. Then we'd indulge on orange slices and juice boxes after a hard played game. Well, love, like sports and the rest of life, has its ups and downs. A comforting movie would be the orange slice, and wishing the person you couldn't make it work with well in their future endeavors with love and relationships and the likes would be the coach's voice yelling at us to be good sports.
The truth is, in my heart of course I want things to go my way, and of course I go to bed dreaming of the day I get called in the middle of the night, because the object of my affection has just had the greatest epiphany about how I’m the one. But, I don't focus on this. I don't allow these thoughts to plague my mind and consume me. Because in the end, even if he doesn’t choose to be with me, I only wish him happiness, as he is my very best friend.
I’ve come to realize, there are things beyond the horizon of what I want, and maybe I’ve done a little growing up in that regard, but to me it seems that to only focus on what I want, and not someone else’s needs as well is juvenile. And come to think of it, at the end of the day, if I successfully ended up getting someone to take me back because I cried and asked them not to go, I’d end up always wondering if they would’ve chosen me because they wanted to, or because they couldn’t bear to see me cry.
As the saying goes, if you love something let it go, if it comes back it’s yours.
Monday, September 6, 2010
A Wierd Realization..
Ok so as I sat pondering while in a slightly inebriated state, a thought occurred to me. I HATE perfection. Perfect is so boring and so cliche. Then I thought about things a little further. Here is my idea of the perfection guy. He's sweet, funny, passionate, devoting, doting, there for me, has beautiful eyes, looks aren't important, and this person accepts me for who I am, and loves me unconditionally, he also likely falls in love with me at first sight.
Then I thought about this.. the guy who currently holds my heart, is some of these things, but quite frankly, is not this guy. And you know something? I love him so much more because of it. I always thought it was actual perfection and not my idea of it that turned me off. But then I realized, perfection is perfection. He isn't my perfect guy, and I am all the more fascinated by him because of this. He's different then what I dreamt, and there fore different from what I have ever known.
And within this difference, lies beauty. He's holds my attention...because he isn't what I spent my whole life dreaming of, he doesn't say the perfect things, he lacks a certain amount of passion, and, this intrigues me, it leaves me wanting more. Even my own version of what is perfect, has come to bore me.
Random realizations and rants of the drunken mind that has stayed up til the sun begins to shine...
Then I thought about this.. the guy who currently holds my heart, is some of these things, but quite frankly, is not this guy. And you know something? I love him so much more because of it. I always thought it was actual perfection and not my idea of it that turned me off. But then I realized, perfection is perfection. He isn't my perfect guy, and I am all the more fascinated by him because of this. He's different then what I dreamt, and there fore different from what I have ever known.
And within this difference, lies beauty. He's holds my attention...because he isn't what I spent my whole life dreaming of, he doesn't say the perfect things, he lacks a certain amount of passion, and, this intrigues me, it leaves me wanting more. Even my own version of what is perfect, has come to bore me.
Random realizations and rants of the drunken mind that has stayed up til the sun begins to shine...
Friday, August 27, 2010
My Thoughts on Love
Love. The craving for a lover's embrace, the warmth of their caress as they softly pull you in close, entangling their arms around your body. Love is food for the soul. And regardless of the amount of disappointments I have come across in my young 23 years, I still remain ever the hopeful optimist about love.
I think when all of us were younger, we dreamed of that perfect prince coming and whisking us away. I know that I personally spent many a night, dreaming of a certain Jack Dawson from a certain movie about a sinking ship. As we grow older with each passing year, we begin to realize, the world isn't filled with fairy tale princes waiting to sweep us all off our feet and take us to their magical kingdom in the sky, or in my case, penniless artists waiting for the chance to "save me, in every way a person could be saved."
While, most would be hard pressed to find an actual prince searching for his damsel in distress, perfect does still exist. Just not in the way we've always perceived it to. Perfect for you, is something that is realistically attainable. That is, if you're searching for someone who loves you for who you are. Searching for this by the way, won't save us from getting hurt, or taken advantage of. Which leads me to my big realization of the day.
Something I think I've come to realize about myself and the world around me, life is too short to allow the inevitable heartbreaks and disappointments we will all face at one time or another to allow us to become cold to the world or to quit believing in love. While long ago I gave up on the idea of "the one" or an actual "soul-mate", I still harbor the ideals of true love and of finding someone who doesn't just put up with your flaws but loves you all the more because of them. As should all of us really, because everyone is woRth love, we just have to believe we are, and go out and continue searching, without hardened hearts, for the one worth handing our heart over to.
I think when all of us were younger, we dreamed of that perfect prince coming and whisking us away. I know that I personally spent many a night, dreaming of a certain Jack Dawson from a certain movie about a sinking ship. As we grow older with each passing year, we begin to realize, the world isn't filled with fairy tale princes waiting to sweep us all off our feet and take us to their magical kingdom in the sky, or in my case, penniless artists waiting for the chance to "save me, in every way a person could be saved."
While, most would be hard pressed to find an actual prince searching for his damsel in distress, perfect does still exist. Just not in the way we've always perceived it to. Perfect for you, is something that is realistically attainable. That is, if you're searching for someone who loves you for who you are. Searching for this by the way, won't save us from getting hurt, or taken advantage of. Which leads me to my big realization of the day.
Something I think I've come to realize about myself and the world around me, life is too short to allow the inevitable heartbreaks and disappointments we will all face at one time or another to allow us to become cold to the world or to quit believing in love. While long ago I gave up on the idea of "the one" or an actual "soul-mate", I still harbor the ideals of true love and of finding someone who doesn't just put up with your flaws but loves you all the more because of them. As should all of us really, because everyone is woRth love, we just have to believe we are, and go out and continue searching, without hardened hearts, for the one worth handing our heart over to.
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