Difficulties

Admittedly even my healed heart wonders what could have been from time to time.  Its crazy.  God is clearing out my life of everything that was holding me back.  I could neither move backward nor forward with my previous bf.  We sat there making each other miserable.  But now he has moved on, as have I.  I think its more the idea of, well NOW I know not to make the mistakes I did, and NOW I can see clearly but why did it have to take the breaking of a relationship for me to see it?

I admittedly have alot of inner conflict..and even though I have peace and I have God...I still have some uncertainty...moments still pop up where I wonder if I will get the chance to show my heart to someone.  Even though I have faith in my father and are a self-proclaimed hopelessly romantic optimist...I still have lingering doubts..planted there from my past and inability to trust in anything completely.

 I will get there, with time.  But for anyone who reads this, I want to be honest about my path.  I struggle.  I have difficulties.  I don't always smile..sometimes I cry.  Losing someone I loved, though its the path God chose, was incredibly painful.  It felt like someone ripped it out of my hands.  It literally felt like my dad came in my room and tore my posters down, and wants to remodel..and at first I was stubborn about letting go of my posters, but in the end I know the room is going to be beautiful.  (The room being my life.)  I want you all to see my vulnerable weak spots..and know that you aren't alone if you feel weak.  I do too.  They talk about in bible study how we should show be completely honest with each other.  Well here I am;  my heart on my sleeves (and my foot in my mouth ALOT of the time..mmm sneaker flavored..)