Irony

Isn't it ironic I spent my whole life searching for unconditional love, and the entire time, I had it, but couldn't see it?  Even when I didn't reach to God, in my darkest hour, he was there, watching me.  I have always prided myself on being strong and able to do it on my own.  The truth is, I think God made me that way.  Strong enough that I would survive.  I am a survivor because of God's unconditional love.  One of the gifts he gave to me, I honestly believe, was my strength.

 For those that don't know.  My darkest hour..was either when I was dating my first ex, when he would mentally break me... or 2009 in the fall/winter.  In the fall/winter of 2009,  I was dating someone that only served to bring me down further, while healing from all the mental damage my first ex caused.  I was in agony.  I couldn't catch a break.  I didn't sleep, and when I did I had nightmares so vivid and awful I opted to not sleep when possible.  My body ached from lack of sleep, I was hysterical and hurting.  I had depression, and all the while through everything, I loved my second ex the best way I could.  I know I wasn't the perfect gf, (who would be in that situation?) but I tried.

Posting that wasn't easy to type, but like I said, I want to make myself vulnerable.  I want to be completely out in the open.