I apologize for being so terrible about up keeping this blog. >.< My mind has been a tumultuous mess as of late.
Here's where I have been....
If you envision world war II for a moment, I basically pissed off the enemy, (advanced in my faith) then jumped out of the safety of the trenches (God's protection), and away from my fellow soldiers (wasn't in fellowship) set down my gun (wasn't in the word), took off my armor (wasn't spiritually armored) and THEN on TOP of that,walked into the enemies territory naked (chose to sin habitually.) When you look at it from that perspective, its absolutely insane.
I now recognize that, and havee been in the process of repentance, but I recognize, my heart still isn't right with God, because it still longs for other things MORE than God.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Daddy Will You Write My Love Story?
This song makes me excited. At first it made me really sad when I thought back on what I lost. Now I realize, every time before, I tried to write my OWN love story. This time, I want the creator of the universe, the author of time itself, to write my love story. I feel like a lil kid holding a folder with blank pages against their chest, waiting for their turn for God to write them their very own love story. I have seen what He has done with others, and with friends, I wish to have God write mine too. *waits on the lord* Daddy, I know I am impatient. But I would be so honored, if you would give me the desire to wait on you to write my love story. Will you daddy? Please?
Love always,
Stephanie D. Jacobs
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Worship
I really wanted to join the worship team at my church to be able to serve using the gift that God gave me. God said not yet through the worship leader. First He decided to teach me what worship really was. I found myself at New Hope on Monday nights wanting to help out at the food pantry and gradually gravitated towards helping worship. God is teaching me what worship is all about at the moment. I am in a season of the unknown and a season of being taught.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Good Advice
A friend once gave me some sage advice. He asked me, "Do you know who controls the relationship?" I said, "the guy?" He said, "No Stephanie. It is the person who cares the least, even if by a little bit."
It is some insightful advice I have taken to heart. It really brings to light the idea of being evenly yolked with someone. You don't want to throw your heart away entirely on someone who only goes halfsies with their own heart, what's the point? Not only will they care less for you then you do them (which trust me from experience, absolutely blows like a kid who has eaten way too much chicken noodle soup (with a soda on the side..sorry had to..) but they will also control the relationship...because you care more. youll find yourself constantly willing to bend backwards over forwards for them, and notice they in turn do not do the same for you. Being straight up, I have been on both ends of this situation. In my first two relationships, I cared too much. In the last one, I cared too much, but never acted like it or showed it thus making him feel that he cared too much as well. So then we both sat there feeling unloved and like we kept caring and giving to someone who didnt care or give as much back.
Life is full of tough choices, isnt it? - ursula from the little mermaid. truth is, it really is. "the greatest thing youll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." - moulin rouge
food for thought.
It is some insightful advice I have taken to heart. It really brings to light the idea of being evenly yolked with someone. You don't want to throw your heart away entirely on someone who only goes halfsies with their own heart, what's the point? Not only will they care less for you then you do them (which trust me from experience, absolutely blows like a kid who has eaten way too much chicken noodle soup (with a soda on the side..sorry had to..) but they will also control the relationship...because you care more. youll find yourself constantly willing to bend backwards over forwards for them, and notice they in turn do not do the same for you. Being straight up, I have been on both ends of this situation. In my first two relationships, I cared too much. In the last one, I cared too much, but never acted like it or showed it thus making him feel that he cared too much as well. So then we both sat there feeling unloved and like we kept caring and giving to someone who didnt care or give as much back.
Life is full of tough choices, isnt it? - ursula from the little mermaid. truth is, it really is. "the greatest thing youll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." - moulin rouge
food for thought.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Yaweh My Teacher
God has been really trying to teach me several things lately. It has been very painful, but very wonderful as well.
Here are the things I need to work on, and that He has put on my heart to work on as of late.
1) He has been teaching me how to rest in the spirit, and not to try to do things of my own strength, but through the spirit guiding me.
2) He has been teaching me to focus on Him, and not the gifts He gives, (whether its gifts I've already received, gifts I want, or gifts that haven't been revealed if He will even give them yet.) (when I say gifts by the way, I mean in every sense, I mean spiritual gifts, I mean talents, I mean physical gifts...(my parents, jobs, college, guys, a future...etc)
3) to focus on neither the past which He is in the process of healing me from, nor the future which has yet to happen but just be in the present. ( I have a terrible habit of playing the "what-if" game, both in the past tense ...what if I had done this, or that... and the future sense... what if this happens..or that...what should I do...)
4) Patience when speaking with others.
5) Humility.
6) Self confidence.
7) Abiding in the spirit.
8) Being in the word.
9) That there is a time for everything. A time to go full out and a time for rest.
10) That if I screw up, He will forgive me, and don't let the fear of screwing up hinder my growth, but don't use that as an excuse to not care if I screw up.
11) To not rely on man's interpretation of what God means, or asking man what God wants to do, is doing, or is trying to say to me.
12) To learn to listen with my spirit.
13) To learn to love myself, flaws and all.
14) To love God, not for the gifts he has given, or the gifts He may give, but for who He is.
15) to find my identity in Christ.
16) to not allow myself to become emotionally attached to any man other than the man God brings to me, and that even then, to take it slow, and allow God to work things in His time.
17) to not try to do things in my time but His.
18) what truly worshipping Him looks like.
19) How to represent Christ to non believers, just by loving on them, regardless of how they treat me.
20) How to relay what is taught to me back to others.
Here are the things I need to work on, and that He has put on my heart to work on as of late.
1) He has been teaching me how to rest in the spirit, and not to try to do things of my own strength, but through the spirit guiding me.
2) He has been teaching me to focus on Him, and not the gifts He gives, (whether its gifts I've already received, gifts I want, or gifts that haven't been revealed if He will even give them yet.) (when I say gifts by the way, I mean in every sense, I mean spiritual gifts, I mean talents, I mean physical gifts...(my parents, jobs, college, guys, a future...etc)
3) to focus on neither the past which He is in the process of healing me from, nor the future which has yet to happen but just be in the present. ( I have a terrible habit of playing the "what-if" game, both in the past tense ...what if I had done this, or that... and the future sense... what if this happens..or that...what should I do...)
4) Patience when speaking with others.
5) Humility.
6) Self confidence.
7) Abiding in the spirit.
8) Being in the word.
9) That there is a time for everything. A time to go full out and a time for rest.
10) That if I screw up, He will forgive me, and don't let the fear of screwing up hinder my growth, but don't use that as an excuse to not care if I screw up.
11) To not rely on man's interpretation of what God means, or asking man what God wants to do, is doing, or is trying to say to me.
12) To learn to listen with my spirit.
13) To learn to love myself, flaws and all.
14) To love God, not for the gifts he has given, or the gifts He may give, but for who He is.
15) to find my identity in Christ.
16) to not allow myself to become emotionally attached to any man other than the man God brings to me, and that even then, to take it slow, and allow God to work things in His time.
17) to not try to do things in my time but His.
18) what truly worshipping Him looks like.
19) How to represent Christ to non believers, just by loving on them, regardless of how they treat me.
20) How to relay what is taught to me back to others.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Lately
I haven't written lately. I have had a bunch of blogs I almost posted and then didn't.
I have been under tremendous spiritual oppression. I am wide awake and can't sleep because my body has spent the evening in the middle of a major spiritual battlefield, and even with prayer, I still can't sleep. My body aches as if there is internal bruising...my back and legs and left foot especially.
I really got to know a few of my new friends from new hope tonight.
They really taught me something.
Its crazy how much God is working in my life.
He has been teaching me to "rest in the spirit" and what that really means, and how to do so physically and emotionally. ( still working on being able to do so under serious spiritual oppression.)
i feel like God has been teaching me, to have faith. someone posted proverbs 23:15-18 a little bit ago. I memorized it this week, choosing to take my focus off of the things on my mind bugging me and onto God. It felt amazing to do this.
someone told me one of my strong gifts is love. the other will be faith. i don't know what to think.
and gah.... more spiritual attack. sigh. can i be honest readers, and just say i do not like discernment. it isn't fun. blissful ignorance...how I miss thee.
how creepy is it when you got o itch something on your head, and can just fel your hand being guided by something that isn't of God, and isn't you either. bleh... I know that may not make sense to a lot of people..to me..it just creeps me out.
why is it the night of an interview i find myself in a ridiculous spiritual battle...this is nuts. sigh of all the nights to be in a spiritual battle. i don't mind the spiritual battle part...but could we have moved it to absolutely anytime AFTER 1 pm tomorrow? that is literally ALL i am asking people.
oy vey.
I want to change the world with love. the more i get attacked the more i realize my potential to be able to do so. literally this oppression is only serving to strengthen my determination and stubborn nature. I shall go forth and succeed.
I have been under tremendous spiritual oppression. I am wide awake and can't sleep because my body has spent the evening in the middle of a major spiritual battlefield, and even with prayer, I still can't sleep. My body aches as if there is internal bruising...my back and legs and left foot especially.
I really got to know a few of my new friends from new hope tonight.
They really taught me something.
Its crazy how much God is working in my life.
He has been teaching me to "rest in the spirit" and what that really means, and how to do so physically and emotionally. ( still working on being able to do so under serious spiritual oppression.)
i feel like God has been teaching me, to have faith. someone posted proverbs 23:15-18 a little bit ago. I memorized it this week, choosing to take my focus off of the things on my mind bugging me and onto God. It felt amazing to do this.
someone told me one of my strong gifts is love. the other will be faith. i don't know what to think.
and gah.... more spiritual attack. sigh. can i be honest readers, and just say i do not like discernment. it isn't fun. blissful ignorance...how I miss thee.
how creepy is it when you got o itch something on your head, and can just fel your hand being guided by something that isn't of God, and isn't you either. bleh... I know that may not make sense to a lot of people..to me..it just creeps me out.
why is it the night of an interview i find myself in a ridiculous spiritual battle...this is nuts. sigh of all the nights to be in a spiritual battle. i don't mind the spiritual battle part...but could we have moved it to absolutely anytime AFTER 1 pm tomorrow? that is literally ALL i am asking people.
oy vey.
I want to change the world with love. the more i get attacked the more i realize my potential to be able to do so. literally this oppression is only serving to strengthen my determination and stubborn nature. I shall go forth and succeed.
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